Discourse on a Zombie: Why I Love Zombie Movies

Here's something you may not know about me: I love Zombie movies. Oh, and if you'll notice that I've capitalized the "Z", and that's simply out of respect. It's not a proper noun or anything, but I add the capitalization in such a way as I would if I were talking about Jesus - ie, to capitalize the "H" in "Him" when referring to Christ. That's not to equate Jesus with beings who rise from the dead or anything, but ... wow ... oh wait ... I am certainly onto something here. Jesus rose from the dead 2,000 years ago, long before the venerable George A. Romero brought us the concept of Zombism ... ergo, I say Jesus was the first Zombie! Call me a blasphemer, but you can't deny the truth of things. Sure, Christ never ate brains (unless there's a similarity between "bread" and "brains" in Hebrew that I'm unaware of), but brain-eating does not a zombie make!

Anyway, I do, indeed, love Zombie movies. Why? Jeez, why not?

Zombie movies, like many other horror movies provide a glimpse into the zeitgeist (that's for you, Chris) into the age in which they were made. For example, let's examine the classic Dawn of the Dead, which was great for a few reasons. Firstly, it was one of the first times the term "Zombie" actually appears in a Zombie flick - in fact, "Dawn of the Dead" was actually a subtitle for the film, which was really titled, simply, Zombie. In this little cult gem, a group of police and military personnel are seen struggling with the systematic destruction of people ... err, Zombies ... err ... Oh God, are they people or not!? What has come of the world?!!! This is the central concept behind the first half of the film - the political struggle between maintaining order and control while preserving human dignity and respect for your fellow man.

And so goes the central theme of so many Zombie movies, including the little-seen and grossly under-rated Romero vehicle Land of the Dead, which was released not too long ago and failed to be accepted by the common people as part of the Zombie Canon. And why the hell not? Was it John Leguizamo's weak portrayal of a military zealot, or was it the absurd inclusion of Dennis Hopper as the cliche "Old Rich Bastard" character? I'm sorry, but Zombie films thrive on cliches, my friends. In fact, as long as the genre's been around, it's been essentially self-satirical! In Land of the Dead, we watch the horrified reactions of one afro-Zombie as he watches his Zombie brotha's cut down by a bunch of white (and one Mexican) military bastards, so they rebel against the system by breaking into the mall-like human haven and eating everyone. Why's the white man always keepin' the Zombie brotha down? Hell naw!

Back in 1968, Romero produced the first bona-fide Zombie movie, called Night of the Living Dead, which was actually utterly horrifying and stands as one of the greatest horror movies of all time. But after that, most Zombie flicks were aimed at skewering the very genre they belonged to!

For example, the 1985 Dan O'Bannon movie, Return of the Living Dead (not to be confused with the sub-par Return of the Living Dead II, III, and IV) may as well have been a direct sequel to the Romero genre (the title is one of many resemblances between the two movies) and was a side-splitting comedy! Who can forget the Zombie hordes talking into the CB radio, "Send ... more ... paramedics!" Or "Scream Queen" Linnea Quigley's "Graveyard Dance" and prophetic sexual fantasy of being torn apart naked (later on in the film, she torn apart while naked!)

Oh, wait, what was I talking about? Something about the memory of Quigley's cod-piece-wearing hip-thrusting dance gets me off track time after time. Oh, right, the Zeitgeist. I'm capitalizing all of my Z's. Again, it's all about respect.

Fast-forward to today - probably one of the best Zombie movies of all time (I don't care what you say) was the 2004 remake of the Romero film Dawn of the Dead (they dropped the Zombie part this time, probably out of respect for the tradition of not actually using the term "Zombie" in a Zombie movie. "Don't say that!" "What" "That word!" "Why" "I don't know ... just don't!") In which the socio-political message is deepened with a Lord of the Flies-esque scenario in which different classes of people come together, establish a social order, overthrow said social order, and establish a Marxian society of equality until those damn Yankees ... er ... Zombies break in and ruin everything (ever wonder why the Zombies were drawn to the Mall in the first place? Yep, the evils of capitalism! Long live the motherland!"

So let me sum things up here: Zombie Movies are to themselves as Manowar is to heavy metal - they are, in themselves wonderful, but as a practice of self-mockery, they're even better. Zombie movies reflect a part of ourselves, our society, and our sense of self-absurdity. In watching a Zombie movie, we are forced to view our society from the outside-in, because obviously once we start returning from the dead, all sense of social order just collapses, and what good is a system that can't stand up under the rising of the dead into cannibalistic animals? And finally, the Zombie genre is a message from God demanding that we accept Christ ... or he'll chew our brains and spit them out.*

I'm going to Mass now. I'm in need of some serious absolution.

* I should mention here that I believe God has a sense of humor, and so should we. And if He doesn't ... I'm screwed.